They want your fuckin retirement money. Try spelling Evian backward. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. Yeah, the public sucks. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. They own and control the corporations. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. Join. The embattled gay representative has denied his drag persona, but these three performers have embraced her with comedic flair! "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? From Life Is Worth Losing. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . An Adobe Analytics cookie that uses a unique visitor ID time/date stamp to identify a unique vistor to the website. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. ", 10. ", 112. His beliefs in fairness and equality in. Everybody complains about politicians. But once youre born, youre on your own. ", 86. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. ", 7. "Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bulls**t they teach you in school. Nobody seems to care. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. "So, have a little fun. New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. You have owners. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Carlin also said conservatives claim theyll do anything for the unborn. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. After that, they don't want to know about you. 02. "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. I had an imaginary friend. The _omappvs cookie, used in conjunction with the _omappvp cookies, is used to determine if the visitor has visited the website before, or if it is a new visitor. - Doc Holliday. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. You don't. You have no choice! Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. [5] And another one: Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. I just dont have as many people who believe it. ", 115. This cookie is set by Eloqua. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Just like homeless people. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? "Forget the politicians. ", 5. You have owners. Keep your circle small. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. They own you. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. 41. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. "It's called the American dream . This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. Let's start with critical race theory. You have owners. It does not store any personal data. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. ", 100. he was a conservative. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. The game is rigged. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 I think. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. I took his shoes. You have no right to complain. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. ", 65. A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? They never mention that part to us, do they? Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. "It helps to remember this.. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. ", 55. I'm f**kin' serious! May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. They dont want that. The Monday night crucifixions! You don't say that about cats. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. ", 18. Germany lost the Second World War. How do school teachers handle this? You caused the problem. Carlin is usually spot on. I don't trust none of them. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. I'm used to dogs. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. Hatred/ bias against opposition: Have you noticed that nearly every time, Mr. Trump is questioned, or feels accused, etc, he replies by bringing up his less - than - popular former political opponent, Hillary Clinton, and repeats claims which have been refuted and disputed, numerous times, but his core followers, continue to accept? "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. ", 37. ", 113. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. No nothing. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Nobeody seems to care. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. ", 19. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. ", 29. This cookie, set by DataXu, tracks the advertisement report which helps to improve the marketing activity. '", 123.